


Instinct

by Zenece



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenece/pseuds/Zenece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by the episode called 'Lineage'.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Instinct

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the episode called 'Lineage'.

“You’re what?”   
Tom Paris stared at his girlfriend, not sure if he’d heard correctly.  
B’Elanna Torres smiled widely and grabbed his hands as she repeated her earlier statement softly. “I’m pregnant.” The exuberance on her face was evident. “We’re going to have a baby!”   
Unable to respond, Tom just kept staring at her with an incredulous look.  
“Well?” B’Elanna cocked her head slightly. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” 

Tom closed his mouth and swallowed hard. “Uh yeah, sure... Pregnant huh?” He frowned and paused for a second. “Isn’t this a little soon? Do you think we’re ready for this?”   
B’Elanna chuckled lightly. “Well, ready or not, here it comes!” But as she saw the look on Tom’s face, she sobered up a little. “I mean, you do want it to come, right?”   
Tom freed his hands from her grasp and took a step back, needing to put some distance between him and the whole baby-thing.   
B’Elanna picked up on his uneasiness, starting to worry a little. “Tom?” She prompted, subconsciously placing her hand on her still flat belly in a protective gesture.

Never before had Tom Paris felt the way he did at that very moment. Every fiber in his being was practically screaming that it didn’t want any part in this, not in the conversation itself and certainly not in the topic of that conversation.   
Tom Paris was scared senseless. And so he did what did best. He ran.

 

~

 

“I don’t understand.” B’Elanna said softly, crawling to sit next to Tom in Jefferies tube 39 alpha where she’d eventually found him. “I thought we agreed on having children? I mean, we were trying, weren’t we?”   
Tom was unable to prevent a deep sigh from escaping his mouth.   
B’Elanna shifted next to him, studying his face. “What?”  
“I know we were trying...” Tom paused. “I just never expected it to really happen. The odds against human-Klingon conception are so high.” 

B’Elanna reached out and turned Tom’s face so she could look him in the eye. “I guess that means that you don’t really want this baby then?” She asked in a small voice.  
Touching her cheek, Tom sighed. “Maybe it would be better if we waited a little longer before having kids...”   
Anxious to get out of there, he moved to sit on his knees. “Tell you what; I’m due on the Bridge in five minutes. Why don’t we both give it some thought and then we can talk about it some more tonight. How’s that?”  
Without waiting for a proper response he crawled out of the Jefferies tube, leaving a confused B’Elanna alone with her thoughts.

 

~

 

“But what if it doesn’t work? What if, when we finally decide to actually have a baby, it doesn’t work? You said it yourself, Tom; the chances against human-Klingon conception are astronomical. This baby might be the only one we’ll ever have!” B’Elanna frantically waved her hands, trying to emphasize her point.  
“You don’t know that.” Tom countered weakly. “Medical science might be able to help us, you’ll see.”   
B’Elanna dejectedly shook her head. “It won’t.” She said in a lowered voice. “I’ve spoken to the Doctor. He says it’s a genetic thing; that human DNA and Klingon DNA are difficult to match. They either do, or they don’t. And there’s nothing anyone can do to change that. The chances of a match are approximately one in five million.” 

B’Elanna kneeled at Tom’s feet, pleadingly looking up at him. “Why can’t we just try? Why can’t we just have this baby and try? We’ll grow into it. Besides, no one is ever completely ready to have a baby. We can do this, the three of us, together.”  
Looking into B’Elanna’s big brown eyes, Tom felt his guts twisting. For B’Elanna’s sake, he wanted to say yes, but his inner instinct, the need to be true to himself was stronger.  
He looked away. “I’m sorry.”

A single tear ran down B’Elanna’s face as she got up and went over to the window to stare at the stars warping by. “Well, I’m sorry too, Tom, because I want to keep this baby, even if...” Her voice broke for a second, but she recovered almost immediately. “Even if that means I’ll have to raise it without you.”   
She turned around; hoping that he would say something –anything- that would tell her it wouldn’t come that far, that he’d changed his mind and wanted the baby after all. But he just sat there, shaking his head slightly, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He whispered again as she fled from the room.

 

~

 

The Mess Hall was dark and deserted, as she’d suspected. Without turning the lights on, B’Elanna made her way to the replicator and softly ordered a double whiskey while her mind went over her recent conversation with Tom. As her glass materialized, it suddenly hit her she shouldn’t be drinking while pregnant. Feeling frustrated to no end, she kicked the replicator panel with all her might.  
“Problem Lieutenant?”   
The familiar voice startled B’Elanna and she spun around as the Captain got up from the couch on the other end of the Mess Hall and moved towards her. 

“Captain. I didn’t think anyone else was here.” B’Elanna said by way of apology.  
Janeway smiled on of her half smiles. “That’s alright Lieutenant.” She indicated the glass of whiskey that was still on the replicator pad. “Mind if I join you?”  
B’Elanna shrugged. “You can have it if you want. I shouldn’t be drinking it anyway.”   
Taking the glass, Janeway raised an eyebrow. “I suppose the same is true for all of us. But one glass won’t hurt. You sure you don’t want it?”   
B’Elanna nodded as Janeway made her way back to the couch, motioning for B’Elanna to join her.

After a few minutes of watching the stars in silence, Janeway pursed her lips and spoke softly. “So... Care to tell me why you come in here at this hour, in the dark, ordering whiskey you’re not going to be drinking and kicking replicators?”   
Despite herself, B’Elanna had to smile a little. She briefly wondered if it was a good idea to tell the Captain, but her need to unload was too great to be ignored.   
She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m pregnant.”

Next to her, Janeway turned at her with a look of surprise on her face. Then she smiled broadly. “Congratulations!”   
B’Elanna turned to look at her beaming Captain and managed a forced smile. “Thank you...” Then she snuffled and started sobbing quietly, surprising Janeway completely. But the older woman recovered quickly and put her arm around B’Elanna’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

B’Elanna sniffled, feeling a little self-conscious under Janeway’s concerned gaze. “Tom doesn’t want it. He says it’s too soon, that we’re not ready for this.”   
Janeway stroked B’Elanna’s back gently. “And what do you think?”   
B’Elanna shrugged. “I don’t know. This may very well be my only chance at having a baby. I don’t want to throw that away simply because it’s not a convenient time.” She looked at Janeway with teary eyes. “I want to keep this baby.” Sniffling some more, she turned her gaze at the stars again. “I told him I wanted it and that I would have it, with or without him. Looks like I’ll be having it without him...” 

Janeway took the younger woman in her arms as she started sobbing again, softly petting her hair. “Maybe he just needs some time, to adjust to the idea.” She offered gently.  
B’Elanna sat up, shaking her head. “I don’t think he will. I don’t think he ever had the intention of becoming a father.”  
Cupping B’Elanna’s face with one hand, Janeway wiped away some of the tears with her thumb. “Nevertheless, give it some time before you decide to do anything. And if there’s anything I can do for you, please ask. Okay?” 

B’Elanna nodded. “Thank you Captain.” She got up from the couch. “I probably should get some sleep now. Thanks again for listening.”  
“No problem B’Elanna.” Janeway smiled warmly. “Just remember I’m here if you need me.”   
“I will.” The younger woman replied. “Oh and Captain? I’d appreciate it if this stays between us for the time being? I really don’t need the whole crew watching my every move right now.”   
The Captain waved her hand. “Of course it’ll stay between us Lieutenant.”   
“Thank you Captain. And goodnight.” With that, B’Elanna headed for the Mess Hall doors.

 

~

 

B’Elanna looked up as the door chime in her quarters sounded. Part of her was hoping that it would be Tom coming to tell her that he’d reconsidered. But her hopes were dashed as she saw the Captain enter.   
“Captain, what can I do for you?” She asked, sounding more chipper than she felt.  
Janeway sat down as B’Elanna motioned her to and looked at her questioningly. “I just came by to see how you were doing. Did you manage to get some sleep last night?”   
B’Elanna shrugged. “Some, but not much. That was to be expected.”

Leaning back against the couch, B’Elanna let out a sigh. “I talked to Tom again this morning. Asked him flat out if he ever wants to be a father. Told him I wanted an honest answer.”  
Janeway pursed her lips. “And?”  
“The silence combined with the look in his eyes told me all I need to know.”   
Placing her hand on B’Elanna’s knee, Janeway squeezed it comfortingly. “So what happens now? Have you given that some thought?” 

B’Elanna’s gaze turned thoughtful. “At this point I’m inclined to keep it, to be honest. I know it won’t be easy, but I think I can pull it off on my own.”   
“You’re forgetting that you’re not completely on your own, Lieutenant. There’s a whole crew out there that can’t wait to help and welcome another child onto Voyager.”   
B’Elanna snorted and stood. “A whole crew minus one, it appears.”   
Janeway got up as well and stood in front of B’Elanna, placing her hand on the woman’s belly instinctively. “Well, if this child is anything like its mother, then it’s Tom’s loss, obviously.”

Warmed by the compliment, B’Elanna smiled and placed her hand on top of the Captain’s hand that was still on her belly.   
Janeway smiled back at her affectionately. “Whether or not you keep this child is a decision you have to make by yourself, B’Elanna. But I want you to know that no matter what you decide, I’m behind you one hundred percent; you’re not alone in this. And if you decide to keep it, we’ll make it work, I’ll see to that. Take your time and think it through carefully, because whatever you decide, it will have a severe impact on your life.”

B’Elanna bit her lip. “I don’t want an abortion Captain. My every instinct tells me to keep this baby. But when I think about being responsible for another life, on my own with no one to fall back on, it’s scary as hell.”   
She held up her hand to stop Janeway from speaking and continued. “I know you said that I’m not alone in this, but when it comes to raising my child, to guide it in life, to help it grow up... That responsibility lies solely on my shoulders.”   
B’Elanna looked down at their still joined hands on her belly and couldn’t help but wanting it to stay that way. She wanted to do this with someone, instead of alone. She sighed.

Kathryn Janeway also looked down at their hands. She felt a surge of responsibility flow through her, wanting to protect this unborn life, feeling the need to do anything in her power to let this baby be born and grow up in the loving environment she and B’Elanna could undoubtedly create.   
She backtracked automatically, the loving environment that this crew and B’Elanna could create.

Without thinking she softly stroked the other woman’s belly with her thumb as she looked up at her. “You can do this, B’Elanna. You’ve got it in you. It’s obvious that you already love this child with all your heart, that you’d fight the whole world for it. And in the end, that’s all it really needs: a mother who loves it deeply, a mother willing to protect it, no matter what. You can be that mother B’Elanna. You already are.”  
She smiled affectionately at B’Elanna, who had tears in her eyes by then.

“You think so?” B’Elanna asked in a shaky voice.  
Janeway felt her own eyes go misty as she smiled confidently. “Oh B’Elanna. I know so.”   
With her free arm, she enveloped the younger woman in a hug, one hand trapped between them. In a husky voice, she continued. “You are a strong, passionate and loving woman, B’Elanna. Any child would be delighted to have you as a mother. Trust me when I say you’ve got what it takes.” 

“Thank you.” B’Elanna whispered as she slightly pulled back to look the other woman in the eye. She noted with a little surprise that those eyes were as teary as her own and briefly wondered if she’d ever seen her Captain this emotional.   
She sniffed slightly. “Well, since in all likelihood I am going to keep this baby, there’s something I want to ask you.” She took a deep breath. “Would you do us the great honor of being a part of this baby’s life by being its godmother?” 

Janeway swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. “I can’t think of anything I’d love more...” She managed after a few seconds. “Of course I want to be ‘Aunt Kathy’ to your baby. I’m honored that you’d want me.”   
B’Elanna squeezed the hand that was on her belly. “You’ve already had a great impact on its life. If it hadn’t been for you, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to keep it...”   
Janeway placed her other hand on top of B’Elanna’s. “You can lean on me whenever you need to B’Elanna. I intend to be there for this baby and for you to the best of my abilities.”

“That means a lot to me.” B’Elanna looked down at the three hands that were now piled on her belly and placed her other hand on top of it. “I don’t think I could do this without you.”   
“You’re stronger than you think you are B’Elanna.” Janeway whispered.   
B’Elanna frowned slightly as something dawned on her. “I don’t think I want to do this without you...” She looked up, confused, not quite knowing where those words came from or what they meant exactly.   
Janeway took B’Elanna’s hands in her own and moved closer so that they were standing only inches apart. “Then don’t.” She breathed, staring intently in the younger woman’s eyes. 

Looking down at their joined hands, B’Elanna smiled, suddenly understanding a few things. She looked up again, eyes shining. “I won’t.” She whispered.  
Janeway leaned forward so that the tip of her nose touched B’Elanna’s softly. “Good.” She replied huskily.   
Both smiling broadly, they hugged each other close, intimately aware of the other one’s body and the newly growing life between them.

This shared intimacy was all too soon interrupted by a combadge chirping.  
“Tuvok to Janeway.”   
Janeway stepped back slightly and tapped her combadge while she brushed a strand of hair away from B’Elanna’s face with her other hand. “Janeway here.”  
“Captain, you and I were supposed to have a meeting ten minutes ago.”   
Janeway made a face and winked at B’Elanna. “On my way Tuvok. Sorry to keep you waiting. Janeway out.” 

Janeway placed her hands on B’Elanna’s hips, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. She smiled, slightly nervous. “Well, I have been summoned... Will I... Will I see you later?”  
“Of course.” B’Elanna replied, feeling just a little apprehensive as well.  
Still smiling, Janeway nodded. “Alright then. See you... later.” With that she turned around and headed for the door, feeling B’Elanna smile at her back. 

But the smile on B’Elanna’s face was suddenly replaced by a look of alarm as the Klingon woman felt a sharp sting in her abdomen. She groaned in pain. “Kathryn...”   
Janeway turned around just in time to see B’Elanna grip her belly and sink to the floor. “B’Elanna!” She yelled and in less than a second she was by the woman’s side. Her hand flew to her combadge. “Janeway to Sickbay: medical emergency!” 

 

~

 

The Doctor and Tom were ready for them as they materialized on Sickbay floor.   
“Help me move her onto the biobed.” The Doctor ordered sharply.   
B’Elanna regained consciousness as they gently put her down. Her eyes flew wide open in panic, looking for a clue as to what was going on. She noticed the Doctor scanning her abdomen and saw the look on his face as he interpreted the results. This wasn’t good.   
“Your body has rejected the embryo because it died, Lieutenant. I’m sorry.” The Doctor administered a hypospray and placed his hand on B’Elanna’s arm in sympathy. 

A single tear escaped B’Elanna’s eye. “Why?”  
Tapping the console next to the bed, the Doctor sighed softly. “From what I can tell, this was a spontaneous abortion. It happens more often with interspecies pregnancies and medical science can’t find a reason why or how to prevent it. There’s nothing I could have done...” The medical hologram felt something that came very close to human frustration and helplessness.

Tom moved to stand next to B’Elanna and took her hand. “I’m so sorry you lost the baby.”   
B’Elanna swallowed hard. “Me too.” She whispered still in shock.  
“Maybe...” Tom paused, uncertain if he was completely sure of what he was going to say next. “Maybe we can try again in the future...”   
B’Elanna glanced at Janeway who was standing off to the side, looking very still and very pale. A tear ran down her cheek as B’Elanna looked at her and then redirected her gaze at Tom. “No Tom, we won’t.” She said softly but sounding very sure.   
Tom frowned. “I don’t understand. I thought you wanted a family?”  
“I do.” B’Elanna said in a teary voice. “But not with you...” 

She watched Tom’s face as it dawned on him that he’d lost her for good and felt sorry for him, then turned at the Doctor. “Is it necessary for me to stay here? Because I’d like to be alone right now.”   
The Doctor consulted his readouts once more. “You’re not in any physical danger, so as long as you rest enough and don’t overexert yourself, I see no reason to keep you here. Although I would like to see you here again in 24 hours for a follow-up.”   
B’Elanna nodded and sat up carefully. In an instant, Janeway was next to her to help B’Elanna off the biobed. The woman turned to her Captain. "Will you stay with me?" She asked in a small voice.  
Janeway lightly kissed Klingon ridges. “Always...”  
They left sickbay together under the watchful gaze of one hologram and one man of flesh and blood.


End file.
